My favourite moments from KARZZZZ

A lot of them..

1. Himesh’s entry. He is supposedly a rock star. He is performing some random hindi song in Cape Town and there is not a single Indian to be found in audience. When he starts singing, foreign chicks start fainting one by one. Just like Michael Jackson performing in Mumbai. But Himesh? Come on now, we know better! Probably the chicks could not take his piercing noise anymore! Same chicks follow him everywhere and crowd him for autographs whenever script demands. Lame!
2. Danny has an annoying habit of quoting lines from famous movies, followed by actor, year and whether it was hit or flop. He mentions some random line from Aap Ka Suroor and says ‘Aap Ka Suroor- 2007- Himesh Reshammiya- Superhit!’. Oh my god!
3. Shweta Kumar is in Cape Town for a college assignment. She is doing some catering job. Of course, Himesh is there. He sings a song for her. He likes her, she likes him, but sadly she has to return home, in Kenya, the next morning. Now she is singing the same song in front of her friends. She forgets 1 line and guess who completes it for her. Only this time, Himesh is sitting on the edge of seat of his helicopter and singing it from above! What an idea, SIRji! Completely oblivious to helicopter rotor sound, they compete the song and then the rotor noise appears in the background during dialogs! How convenient!
4. Song KARZZZZ sung by Himesh for Urmila. Remembering the song, Urmila goes insane. Starts acting weird and flinching. Worst acting ever!
5. Gulshan Grover is apparently unable to talk and uses a sound pad attached to his left hand to communicate. Stephen Hawking! Only difference, instead of words, musical notes come out. His annoying weirdo ‘chamcha ‘ provides interpretation for that. Reminds me of Chewbacca and Han Solo!
6. Climax! Could actually pose competition for legendary climax of Gunda! Himesh’s fight scenes are hilarious. And the fight scene is initiated by none other than Raj Babbar, who dives from 2nd floor in the middle of 20 people. Damn! Too beautiful!
7. Himesh driving a car and Urmila chasing him in an aircraft. The damsel takes out a gun and shoots his tyres exactly in 1 attempt. Urmila Matondkar should be the official coach of Indian Shooting team for Olympics here onwards. She has potential to create many ‘Bindra’s with here talent!
8. In the same scene Himesh’s car finally topples and he is standing in the middle of nowhere and is challenging Urmila to shoot him. With her amazing skills she does that…3 times. 2 times on the legs and once brushing tip of a hand. In the rest scene, Himesh is limping with 1 leg, other leg and hand intact…amazing healing skills…like Wolverine!

My Review

KARZZZZ: A Review

Where do I begin?? I have deliberately left out the word movie from the title. KARZZZZ cannot be termed as a movie in any universe. It SUCKS! Don’t be mistaken. Aap Ka Suroor also sucked…it sucked really bad. But there was a different level of sucking which is further lowered by KARZZZZ. The additional Zs just add the ‘ZZZ’ dozing effect to the movie. After watching ‘this’ anyone will feel that Indian Cinema has not grown at all in 3 decades. Ghai’s Karz was one of the most acclaimed movies of its time because it was suitable for mentality of people in 70’s. This KARZZZZ however is a step in the downward direction. It makes me wonder how can a director screw up a rip off so badly? the story is right in front of you…dialogs are there…you just add songs and thats it. This would have been better than the current attempt at a so called ‘tribute’ to the original Karz. The only 2 twists added by Satish Kaushik should have been included in the bloopers video at the end of the movie.

The story, though basically same, somehow becomes pointless after a while. The acting, direction and unnecessary songs make it a complete boring affair. Additional characters like one by Asarani, raj babbar are useless. Danny’s role is completely redundant. They just add to the already existing confusion. The 25-year-later scenes show all the old characters almost the way they were 25-years-before. Maybe someone invented an anti-aging potion in between.

Now Himesh! He also knows he cannot act. He admits that publicly. Dude, then don’t act! I am tempted to say don’t sing also, but after watching KARZZZZ my priorities have changed. We first need to take him off the screen and then shut him up. He should have been the last choice (even after Rajpal Yadav or Raju Shrivastav) for Monty’s role. Steve Bucknor is more expressive than him. I really don’t understand why anyone would be so desperate to make a movie to cast Himesh. There are lot of other ‘faltu’ actors out there. Even Dino’s role as Ravi Varma is better!

If Himesh thinks that the little above flop performance of his 2 films makes him a noticable actor, he is wrong. I have seen both the films with the groups which had the sole intention of ridiculing Himesh. Aap Ka Suroor was released when he was supposedly at the peak of popularity. But we were surprised to see quite a few ‘lukkha’ public like us at the theatre. The performance of movies is attributed considerably to Himesh haters as well. So let me tell Himesh one thing…you are making a fool of yourself by acting. If you think that people really like your acting, then you are an ignorant idiot. As long as you are acting, people like me WILL go to theatres and make fun of you. So good luck!

Urmila desperately needs to get married. She WAS a very talented actress. But she is completely lost now. She lacks the grace of Simi Garewal in every aspect of Kaamini’s role. Totally confused. The newbie Shweta Kumar, well… when you have Himesh as datum line, any third class actor looks good. But she is very dull, has irritating voice, scary smile and annoying gestures. Before continuing acting, she should seriously consider professional career counseling.

My view could have been entirely biased given that I hate Himesh. But as a movie also KARZZZZ could not be regarded even as an averege effort. Taran Aadarsh and few others have given 4 star rating to the movie. He is either extra-terrestrial and has some different definition of ‘GOOD’, has been bribed for good review or he is ‘Bi-Curious‘…and ‘confused’ about Himesh. Even an unbiased viewer should know that this movie is worthless.

My quest for KARZZZ

Not the loan wala Karz. This KARZZZ refers to the one *ing HameS bhai ReSamiya. As I had nothing better to do on a perfectly quiet Saturday morning, I planned to ruin it by watching KARZZZ. I found 4 other living people with the same intention (hard to believe isn’t it!!) Opened Pune Times and found out 3 theatres. I was not surprised to see that City Pride Kothrud was not showing it.  Good for them. So we went to E-Square. After standing in line for 10 min I approached the ticket counter, when I asked for 5 tickets to KARZZZ, the ticket lady looked surprised. I thought we must be the only people to actually consider watching this movie. But that was not it. She informed me that due to  its mindblowing performance in the first week,  KARZZZ has been pulled out. RIP!

Damn! I was so ready to ruin my day and now I was left with the option of wasting my 10 Rs. parking ticket or watching Roadside Romeo. Of course I chose the 2nd one as the 1st 1 would have meant only a 80Rs parking ticket for my rear. No compromise on KARZZZ. The next option was Rahul. But the amazing performace is not limited to only 1 theatre. Rahul was peacefully displaying Wednesday at that time. Next up…Mangala. It had a show…WOW! I was moved by the dedication of the owners but sadly the show was at 10-45 pm. After this much of evidence, you don’t need any Taran Adarsh or Times Rating to tell you that KARZZZ is officially a flop. And now I feel really really bad that I was not able to see it in time. I remember the sensation when I saw AAP KA SUROOR with 8 friends, and the sincere Himesh fans almost threw us out of the theatre. I had thought of so much to do this time, but now I won’t be able to do that! Thats it…I am not taking any risk henceforth. I am watching all HimeS *ers first day first show from now on. Thats the only way!  

(P.S.- Please do not read any reviews by Taran Adarsh…the guy gave a 2* rating to DCH!!)

A sad race in Shanghai

The most uneventful race after Valencia. Apart from Hekki Kovalainen’s tyre failure leading to damage and retirement, it was a very ordinary race. A few overtakings but nothing exciting. Hamilton finished the fastest followed by the two Ferraris in reversed order. Following the unstated team orders, Kimi let Massa through to help his c’ship challenge. No need to raise eyebrows, it was perfectly legal. The same thing as we saw in Hockenheim with Mclaren. Results

It all comes down to Interlagos in Brazil 2 weeks later. Curiously enough, Massa is now 7 points behind Hamilton, the exact same situation Kimi was in this time last year. Ferrari would hope for the same miracle 2nd year in a row.

With both the drivers on podium, Ferrari look good for constructors’ c’ship this year. They lead by 11 points. Unless they show some extraordinary skills of screwing up like in mid season races, I think they are safe.

Now about a SOB called Fernando Alonso. Read this first of all. He had to flap his big mouth and again had to show why I call him SOB. Throughout the earlier part of the race, he was putting pressure on Massa. No hard feelings had he not spoken before. But you know what they say…. Never try to overtake a F2008 in a R28 when Massa is not pulling a ‘MASSA’

Kubica finished 6th today and is now officially out of the championship race. Its between the Brit and the Brazilian in the homeland of the later. We can expect another sensational season finale this time.

Accusations and Speculations

This week, leading to the Shanghai Grand Prix has been a wild one. As the championship title contenders leave no stone unturned to win sunday’s race, a lot has been happening ‘off-the-track’ as well. The round begins with ‘Former World Champ’ Fernando Alonso. In a weird turn of events, Alonso openly admitted that he will support Massa or Kubica to win championship over former team-mate (rival?) Lewis Hamilton. Was it really necessary? I mean the last thing Lewis needs at this moment is another controversy. Like a good boy, Lewis kept mum and showed his pace during qualifying, sealing the pole position. Alonso probably setting up the field for probable move from Renault to BMW or Ferrari in coming seasons. A lame act of damage control for being a jerk in the past and a desperate attempt of revenge!

Next in line was his boss. Briatore claimed that just like last year, Lewis will lose his lead in last 2 races and give away championship to Massa. He just likes to flap his mouth a lot. Words just come out. No need to pay attention.

Last was dear old Massa. Lewis has been under fire from colleagues for being over-aggressive. No man with a bit of sense of F1 would deny that. But Massa is also feeling the heat. So he came to Lewis’s rescue! The way Massa drove in Japan could easily be compared to a rickshaw driver in Pune. Both of them need to calm down. Otherwise it will be season 2007 all over again. Kubica could be this years Kimi!

Alonso makes it 2 in a row

And yet another disastrous race in F1. Alonso wins yet again, Renault look confident for the next season. Piquet also scored 5 points.

What looked like a normal grid, turned upside down as both the Ferraris were pushed back and Mclarens suffered heavily. Kovalainen failed to complete the race and Massa and Hamilton were penalized for their over-aggressiveness. But the aggression did not wear off. Massa managed to squeeze out 1 c’ship point. Though Kimi ended his point scoring draught, he is now officially out of race for championship.

Hamilton and Massa are getting really fierce. The remaining races will be amazing.